Rawr!

I think I've lost the ability to write something even remotely worth reading.

I wish I didn't have a heart. I wish I didn't feel so much and so intensely over that. I'm terribly selfish. I'm feeling pain over someone else's happiness. How can that be? I should be happy for him.

The shadows grow darker and blur to solid black as I turn off the light each night and lose myself in sleep. I would sleep away these thoughts if I could, but they always return to haunt and mock me.

I'm feeling the gravity of it all. It's so heavy.

This pain. I know I have to ride it out. I hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers. You just have to breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time, it can be managed but sometimes, it gets you where you least expect. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. I have to fight this through, you can't outrun it and life always makes more.


Why is it all the men in my life, from my father to my boyfriends to my crushes and people I like, never stick around? Why do they leave? Why do they turn out to be jerks and hurt me?