First Star I see tonight
If I may and if I might
Have the wish I wish tonight
~~~
“I look at myself in the mirrow this morning and I hardly recognise my eyes. They seem different somehow, I can’t place my finger on it.”
Econs test was a bit difficult. There were about 3 small questions I didn’t know. Sigh. I guess I can’t expect every single test to be like my accounts. (I think I’ll get full marks for it, I don’t mean to brag)
I had a weird dream, as always, last night. I dreamt of Uncle Eddie. He’s my mom’s brother and my favourite uncle. The closest male figure I had in my life; at least in some point of it.
I’ll tell you about the dream first before I ramble about him.
I dreamt he came down from singapore to see us and we were playing carrom board (and chess with my brother while I watched later on). We were having so much of fun, laughing away. Then it was night and he had to leave; apparently his flight was at night. I found it ridiculous, him staying for only one day and I kept protesting and pleading with him to stay. But he wouldn’t budge.
So I said, “Fine, I’m giving you a punishment then. You have to give me three kisses.”
He smiled and he did so. One on each cheek and one on the forehead.
Then I woke up.
I know, it seems like a simple dream but it brought me to tears when I woke up and felt the aftermath of it all.
We were very close to Uncle Eddie; me and my brother. Sabbie was too young. But he still doted on her anyway.
He taught my brother how to play chess. Which later became his passion, obssession, something he was so brilliant in, so much so that he surpassed his own master, way out.
He taught me to laugh (my childhood was a bit difficult, I'd forgotten how to for a while), taught me to be cheeky and other small things like playing board games such as carrom and monopoly.
He would always play tricks on us, especially during our birthdays; his “false presents” always got us fooled. His real presents were amazing. But it wasn’t his generousity that captured us, it was more of that bond that we shared. He would spend so much of time with us.
I remember the first time the “three kisses” came into play. It was my birthday and he wouldn’t give me my present until I gave him three kisses, one on each cheek and one on the forehead. I did so willingly, of course I also remember feeling a bit awkward because I wasn’t used to affection and especially with a “male”.
It became a custom, stretched further.
Everytime he had to leave, I’d demand he give me three kisses first, or else I’d hide the keys. He never protested, in fact we laughed about it; it was our own little “language” or own little “secret”.
But then, he stopped coming; mainly because of family politics. Vicious and jealous aunts (there are a few in the family; my mom’s sisters) would comment that he’s neglecting his other nephews and nieces and that he’s favouring us. I guess it affected him badly because he stopped coming to everybody’s houses after that.
I know I was so hurt and angry. I missed him, and I know my brother did as well. I was furious with my aunts and even more so with him. That he neglected and threw away what could have been the most precious relationship I could have had. I guess I got over it; but I was never quite the same.
He “disappeared for 5 years” until last year december when my mom was doing her major surgery. He visited her. Seeing him was nostalgic; such a stranger but oh so familiar. It seemed like a lifetime ago as well as a second ago.
He still wears the same cologne. Even after so long. I was so pleased (it actually ached) that I remembered the smell.
It’s weird how I dreamt of him.
I wish he didn’t disappear, that there was no gap. I wish I had time to catch up with him; to make him part of my life again; to be as we used to be.
There was a time when I would wish upon a star.
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