Thursday, March 23, 2006

Propulsion

Time really whizzes by. One minute I'm at the orientation, nervous as hell and the next minute, I'm plunged into so much of work and moving so fast.

And at this point, while I'm busy running this paper chase, pulling in long nights and everything else - I wonder if I'm losing anything as each minute passes. 10 years down the road, am I going to look back at this moment and say "Hey.. I should have chilled out and let loose for a while".
But I feel I can't afford to let loose, I can't afford to make any mistakes because this is the one chance I've got and I'm milking it for all its worth.
Lorraine asked me last week to go to this social pub in Hornsby on Friday; just near myhouse. It was a night thing; it would have gone on till around midnight or one. She seems quite taken in with me and eager to introduce me to the "Hornsby people". And what was most surprising was that my mom was okay with it. (But then again, if she kicked a fuss, I'd really have something to say about it. Gone are the days where she can cage me up).
I don't know. I was so conflicted. One part of me wanted to go and the other thought I was jumping in too fast. I don't want to put myself in an undesirable situation. Sadly, there're only a few people I really trust to go out like that with and they're not here.
In end I didn't. Mainly because I had a lot of work to do and I figured that my work was my priority. Maybe some other time. When I feel I'm ready. Besides, to be honest, I think I've seen so much of "pub life", that the thought of it sickens me. I haven't forgotten.

School life's pretty okay. Here, you really have to be "buddies" with your lecturers to get ahead. Not that I'm sucking up to them or anything. Just that I'm willing to work hard as well as let them KNOW that I'm working hard.
I don't like being manipulative. Really I don't. But I find that I have a certain knack of getting into the "good books" with tutors and teachers. As I used to be one (for a while anyway) I know what they like in a student and I'm making full use of it. Basically, I know I can charm the socks off them. I can use a certain amount of wits and knowledge to get them intrigued and willing to go that extra mile for me. And the knowledge of that just makes me sick.
I need my teachers to be on my side. So that I could learn as much as I can and get them to be my referees in my scholarship application.
The only thing that comforts me is that I'm not really resorting to desperate measures like using my physical appearance or worse my body to get what I want.
But still, I don't like being manipulative. Am I bitchy for being this way?

On another note, I was watching Rabbit Proof Fence and boy was it a terribly sad true story about the history of Australia. During the 19oo-1970, the "white" people were trying to eradicate the aboriginals by kidnapping their children and forcing them to marry the whites so that after 3 generations, their "colour" would be completely wiped out. And get this, it was completely legal. It's known as The Stolen Generations.

I just don't get how people can be so utterly cruel. What, you think just because your skin colour is white, that you're superior to other races? Where do they get such trashy ideals?
It's hard not to have hatred for these people.
The more I learn about humankind, the more angry and disappointed I seem to get.

Nevermind, I shall get off this topic.

Oh. Anton has a girlfriend. Pav actually asked him for his number outright in class yesterday. It's amazing how bimbotic and forthright she can be. She kinda embarrassed herself.
I don't think she's such a bad person. I think she was brought up in such a culture where she felt she needed to conform to society for her to be accepted.

Having said that. He wears absolutely gorgeous Armani cologne. Sigh.
Funny thing though, his cologne somehow got me thinking of a certain episode where I stole half a bottle of Hugo Boss from a certain "then" cute individual.
Seems like a lifetime ago.

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