Loving Ponky

Why do you live? What is your reason? What is your reason for living? Is it your family or your spouse? Is that the right reason to keep breathing? What if they're dead and gone? What then? Is your reason to live gone as well?

I don't want to live for anyone. I want to live for me. Trouble is.. what is it that I'm living for?
It's a question only I can answer.. so I'm still thinking. And wondering.

I want to know the reason, the secret, the answer at the back of my head - the answer for the demons. I want to stop hurting.
The funny thing is that when someone you love so much is hurting and reaches out to you, you completely forget your own hurts (temporarily) and can't help but run to help. You can't help but love.
It's so much easier to fight for someone else than to fight yourself. And I really mean yourself.

Maybe it's reason enough to keep trying, maybe love will save me - in the sense that it will help me struggle through and find the answers on my own while I'm in this hell of mine.

Maybe love will save me. Just maybe.

Stabbing the inner demon named "Lie"

Dear Lie
You suck
You said you could fix anything
Instead I'm fucked
You made things even worse for me
If I had balls I'd tell you get away from me
Guess I'm not smart
I let you unnerve me
I let you control me
Afraid the truth will hurt me
When it's you that hurts me more

Get outta my mouth
Get outta my head
Get outta my mind
Stop putting words in my head
Get outta my mouth
You're nothing but trouble
Get outta my life
Get out of me
Out of me out of me

Dear Lie
You're dumb
You think you've got the best of me
You think you've won
Misread my vulnerablitity
I've got your walls
Now get the hell away from me
I've learned your art
Won't let you unnerve me
Won't let you control me
The truth will only free me
And your lies will hurt no
No more

Get outta my mouth
Get outta my head
Get outta my mind
Stop putting words in my head
Get outta my mouth
You're nothing but trouble
Get outta my life
Get out of me
Out of me out of me

"Dear Lie" - TLC

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