Tuesday, November 28, 2006

But I fear...

after all the heartaches, struggles, battles, leaps and crossroads,

I'd have nothing to give.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Just another survey

1. WHAT MADE YOU SMILE YESTERDAY? My lecturer, George Conway, made a comment about my presentation. In his words, I’m very organic and animated – and one of the best speakers he’s come across. I was literally beaming the whole day! But honestly, I thought I’d be nervous doing the whole speech thing, but it was such a rush! I actually made a few cards for me to refer to during the speech – but for some crazy reason, I just put it away during my speech and I just rambled! Which later on lead me to question certain things – I’ll tell ya later.

2. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT 8 THIS MORNING? I was making breakfast for myself and my brother. Bacon, eggs, tomato and baked beans for myself and a roast beef and egg sandwich for him.

3. WHAT WERE YOU DOING 15 MINUTES AGO? Changing the layout of my blog. I like the new look! Do you?

4. SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU IN 1995? Alright year. I was primary five. I had two “best” friends – Lavanya and Cindy. They were one of the coolest people in my year. I was top in science for my class and damn pleased with myself. I was pretty much a goody-two shoes – never did anything wild. Loved by teachers. And at times hated by rebellious students. I had an obssession with five stones though. My ambition was to be a five stone champion heh. I think there were 35 levels? I can’t remember them!


6. HOW MANY DIFFERENT THINGS DID YOU DRINK TODAY? There was no milk to go with my eggs. So I had drank the next best thing “Vitamilk” – it’s this really sweet soy milk from I think Thailand? It comes in glass bottles. I bought a six pack for $2.60. How cool is that? A glass of water (I have to drink more!) and honey water (I love love love this).


8. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR TOOTHBRUSH? The handle is white and dark green. The bristles are light blue.

9. WHAT IS OUT YOUR BACK DOOR? Erm.. a shoe rack and a clothes hanger and one solitary chair. LOL. We’re still looking for a nice, comfortable patio. Oh and a barbecue piece.

10. LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? A beef with tomato chutney pie from Pie Face, this new outlet in Westfield. Yum Yum.

11. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? A jewellery set with small diamonds from Prouds Jewellers.

12. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR FRONT DOOR? White. It’s wooden.

13. WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR CHANGE? Sometimes in my jean pockets. But I usually transfer to my table – there’s this special compartment for coins. I especially the “gold” coins. Hehe.

14. WHATS THE WEATHER LIKE TODAY? HOT HOT HOT! SO much for the coldest spring in ages eh?

15. BEST ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Chocolate! There’s no better flavour! Wendy’s wicked chocolate is good. The one from Gelatissimo is not too bad either, plus it’s fat free. But yeah, the best ice creams aren’ fat free so live a little!

16. SOMETHING YOU’RE EXCITED ABOUT? I can’t wait for a christmas party that my work colleagues are throwing.. They’re a fun group I tell you. I really can’t wait. It’s on the 16th of Decemeber. For once I’m really in the Christmas mood. There’ll be good food, heh cute guys too! We’re going to play games! I love games!

17. LAST RAINBOW YOU SAW? Can’t remember. It’s been a long time.

18. WHAT SIZE SHOE DO YOU WEAR? Australian size 6 , Singapore size I think it’s a size bigger… I kinda have trouble finding shoes my size cos my feet are small.

19. DO YOU HAVE ANY SISTERS? Just one. But I’ve also found my soul-sister! Does she count?

20. ARE YOU VERY RANDOM? Sometimes.

21. DO YOU WANT TO CUT YOUR HAIR? No I just got it cut! It cost me $160. Phew. But it was worth it. I had streaks of reddish purple for my whole head done, treatment, cut and blow dry. It’s not too bad. It was from John Brennan.

22. ARE YOU OVER THE AGE OF 22? Yeah I am. I don’t feel 22 though. What’s 22 supposed to feel like anyway?

23. DO YOU TALK ALOT? Depends on the person I’m with. Sometimes I ramble a lot. Sometimes I listen. Mostly I listen.

24. DO YOU WATCH THE OC? I used to for Season 1 and then Season 2 wasn’t so great. I’ve stopped watching. I’m pretty annoyed they killed off Marissa Cooper. They’re not going to make it.

25. WHAT DAY DOES YOUR SCHOOL END THIS YEAR? Oh shoosh and go away. My summer school’s just begun.


27. DO YOU KNOW ANYONE CALLED STEVE? Yeah, Beckie’s brother. Handsome dude, pretty quiet. I don’t know him that well. I think the most I’ve ever said to him was a “hi”.

28. DO YOU MAKE UP YOUR OWN WORDS? Yeah. My favourite is Shooshkebab. Cool eh?

29. ARE YOU TICKLISH? Oh yeah, very. *whispers* Don’t tell anyone.

30. ARE YOU TYPICALLY A JEALOUS PERSON? Hehe. Unfortunately, very jealous. I try not to be, but it’s just natural for me.

Next Up: Instructions
Grab the nearest book.
Open the book to page 18.
Find the 13th sentence and 14th sentence.
Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.

I thought at that time that I couldn’t be horrified anymore, or wounded. I suppose that it’s a common conceit, that you’ve already been so damaged that damage itself, in its totality, makes you safe.

Wow. The last one was cool.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Into Retro

I went out clubbing!


I was invited to dinner and and partying later in the city last Saturday. You know how I had reservations about going earlier this year? Well.. I decided to go this time. Plus, I'm quite comfortable with my working colleagues.
The party was for Josh, a sort of farewell slash birthday thing. He's my manager, wait correction (the one who interviewed me) was my manager, he got transferred to another store. It's sad really, he's a brilliant, kind and caring manager. The best I've worked with so far.

So anyway, dinner at the BlackBird Cafe was quite a subdued affair, I guess everyone was quite nervous about going out for the first time. The dynamics of everything was pretty.. awkward I suppose.
It got better later on though. Everyone was pretty excited because this guy from the series Home And Away was dining right next to us. I didn't see what the big deal was, I don't watch the series, but yeah, he seemed quite smug about the attention he was getting. *shrugs*

And then the fun part! Retro, the music's a combination of old songs re-mixed with new beats! Pretty cool. I thing Shu would have loved it. And yes, they played quite a fair number of Michael Jackson's songs.. I have to admit seeing him all over in HUGE LCD screens kinda felt nostalgic. I remembered how crazy I used to be about him and his music. Interesting and sad, look at the way he is now.
I suppose that is what fame does to people.

There were a few complications though. Suki, an indian tempermental yet funny creature, didn't bring her ID! It was so silly of her. So*drumrolls* I concocted a plan for her! Hehe.
I decided that all of us should go in first, wait about 45 mins, and then I'd sneak out my id for her to use to get in. It worked brilliantly, I must say, even though she looks quite different from me. But yeah, I suppose we got a little lucky.
Heh. So we were in the club from 10am all the way till 2.30am - dancing non-stop! I had like two tequila's, Smirnoff's vodka and Baileys! It's not that much I know, but yeah I got a little high and dizzy. Maybe it's cos I've stayed away from it for too long. But yeah! It was fun.
I knew my limit so I stopped just in time. But I think this guy called Randy was flirting with me. He works in another outlet (where Josh is currently) and his brother, Rohan, (an extremely cute and funny individual) works with me in Hornsby. Too bad he didn't come though.
So yeah, afterwards Jenna (a fellow Macquarie 3rd year student and my supervisor - I love this gal, she's awesome) drove me home. That was nearly three I think.

Oh! But on the way -amidst Jenna's mad driving - Randy erm.. kinda embarrassed himself by asking Jenna to pull over so that he could.. pee! Gosh.. what a turn off! Heh. But at least I was nice enough not to tease him about it.

I expected my mom to either be staying up or having something to say about me coming back so late, but as I was creeping into my house - I realised that everyone was asleep!! Hmmph. So much for my James Bond, or should I say Jane Bond techniques!
I had quite a hangover the next morning.. but I think it was worth it.
I'm going out again on the 9th. Can't wait.

Monday, November 13, 2006

When everything is made to be broken

My oh my.

It's been a while huh? I didn't mean to be gone for so long. I've been so caught up with work, assignments, studies and the closing of family drama.

He's officially gone. Gone.
And now it's just the four of us. At first, I used to have nightmares of him coming back and tormenting us. And Dominic wasn't coping so well. I guess he's always hoped for things to work out. Or maybe he's just living in a disillusioned world, unwilling to face facts, wrapped up in the computer world of his.
As much as I was so relieved - a small tiny part of me felt a sense of hollow loss. It's so final, irretrievable. I don't understand it.
Funny, it would be easy to go back to my "bitter" self. The whole rage thing is admittedly very seductive. But I can't. I don't know why. I'm not so angry or even slightly masochistic - just dull. A little.
Peace of mind comes at a certain price though. We all have to work harder to hold the fort, cling to each other for support because god knows he's slandering all of us back in Singapore. But frankly, I don't care a damn.
It's so much better this way.

We're having a good time here. Really. It's hard yes, but we're all laughing and joking away. Dominic is happier than I've ever seen him. I think he's accepted it and put it behind him. I'd be lying if I said he's not battered and wounded. But he's on the road to recovery. And hopefully, he'd be blessed enough to have the friends I have and maybe even one day someone to heal him.
Sabbie is getting more cheekier each day, I swear she's getting a lot of it from Dominic.
But the ultimate transformation goes to my mom. She's joking around. And being silly. God, it's so weird to watch.
She's still a bit annoying - at times she refuses to let go of the "control reins" but yeah. It's amazing.

You know what's weird though? Aunt Adeline. She calls me every now and then, chatting. She's trying to get me to think about the possible scenario of another man in my mom's life. Maybe even get ME to persuade HER. Can you imagine? I feel like laughing silly.
I don't even know what to think. I know my aunt means well, she just wants my mom to start dating, nothing serious just have a little fun.
My mom was even "fishing" for my views on this matter - and not too subtley I might add. I honestly don't know what to think. All I know is that I'm trying my hardest to be strong. Not only to hold the fort but also have a life of my own.

We'll see what happens.