Monday, June 27, 2005

I just had to!

Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Work ethic56%
Self absorbed50%
Conflict seeking56%
Need to dominate50%
Change averse50%
Peter pan complex43%
Physical security76%
Physical Fitness37%
Female cliche70%

Stability results were medium which suggests you are moderately relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot:
clean, organized, dislikes chaos, semi neat freak, perfectionist, traditional, realist, fits in most places, enjoys managing others, risk averse, good at saving money, prudent, respects authority, high self control, hard working, does not like to stand out, follows the rules, finisher, resilient, takes precautions, cautious, honest, unfamiliar with the dark side of life, practical, dutiful

Saturday, June 25, 2005

My flirting Style!

Your Seduction Style: The Coquette

You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get.
Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you.
Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you compelte.
And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you.

Hah! This one was so terribly cute that I had to put it up! But I don't think I'm so much of a flirt.. I mean really. As much as I talk about flirting, do you actually see me do it? Come to think of it, I hardly flirt outrageously with anyone... hmm.. you agree right? Yes? No?

Friday, June 24, 2005

Ghosts and memories of the past

I've been meeting up with my friends, one by one. It's not easy to say goodbye. As in real goodbye, not good luck, I'll see you soon.

I know I probably won't see them again. These are the sort of friends who'll be with you, as long as you're physically with you. It's harsh, but yeah I saw it coming.

I told my Kishen and his dad that I would be stopping my tuition by July. I hated the look in Kishen's eyes, shock and then utter disappointment.
I feel a little guilty, and I can't help but feel like I'm abandoning him a little. But in reality, he has improved so much that I don't think he needs me anymore. We've actually completed all the questions in his textbook as well as his assessment book! I know he's going to do well. It's just a matter of self-confidence and being less careless.
I'm going to get someone to replace me, to coach and support him till October. Sigh.

I'm not sure if I should meet with Don. I can feel that both of us are quite nervous about it, wondering if it's the right thing to do. I would really like to, but I'm beginning to feel that perhaps it's best if I just leave things the way they are.
It's easy to mistake familiarity with "falling-in-love again". I'm not running away, I just think it's best if we don't meet. I'm not shutting the door to our friendship, it'll always be there. But you've got to make the effort as well.
If anything, I should thank you because you've helped carve the person that I am today. Just a little bit. And I'm very proud of her.

Can I just break this momentum and say that I bought a lovely red rose? Yeah.. I bought some flowers for the vase on my altar and this one is so special. Her name's Lady, she's just so elegant and well perfect. Anyway, I've realised that I'd prefer to grow things rather than just buy the "ready-made" one. There's some satisfaction in watering her and watching her slowly blossom. Really. Maybe I'd have a rose garden in my future house.

Maybe I'm just eccentric.

I'm also very nervous about going to Sydney and staying there with my mom and Sabrina. I've changed, grown in a quite a number of ways while they were gone. I've had my own space and I've really become an individual and I wouldn't want things to go back to the way they were before. They way she's always treating me like a kid and keeping me mentally and physically caged up. I don't think she'll recognise me, not that she even knew me to begin with.

On a happier note, my best friend's in town and I can't wait to see her! I always feel comfortable when I'm with her. I could be in any mood, be it grumpy, quiet, replete, happy or just plain crazy, it's so effortless to be it around her. It's weird, she doesn't have to say anything and I'd still feel comforted and well.. soothed.

Anyway, this one is for you babe. See you soon.

Silence falls into the night
Streets with a fading light
Sound of crowds has come to cease
Teases my soul at ease

Cities have gone to sleep
I hear the voice turn deep
Speak softly into my mind
Simple words straight in line

Show me that I’d never find
Someone you've left behind

Birthday Blues

Your Birthdate: August 23

With a birthday on the 23rd of the month (5 energy) you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them.

You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas.

You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel.

You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable.

Your mind is quick, clever and analytical.

A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine.

You may have a tendency to shirk responsibility.

Very sociable, you make friends easily and you are an excellent traveling companion.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Truth hurts

Would you rather find out the painful truth from someone or by yourself?

Do people honestly think that it's better to accidentally stumble upon the truth than for you to be outright? Am I a glass where you'd think I'd shatter?

For goodness sake, I have been truthful all long the way, don't I deserve that same respect and treatment from you? It's the basis for all morality.
Don't give me that crap about you not wanting to hurt me further, don't you realise that you can hurt someone even more by lying or shielding the truth away?

This is honestly the last straw from you, I give up. You won, you achieved what you want so much.

I'm walking away from you.

Good Looks

I've got a nice experience to share with you!!

I went out last evening.. no definite purpose, just out window shopping. I ended up in Novena Square, and bummed into an ex- working colleague of mine. She was there, waiting to meet the new "guy" in her life. She goes through so many guys! There's always a new guy for each week; she gets bored easily or so she says.
Anyway, he was running late, so we decided to stroll about together, to kill time while she waits for him.

May I pause here to say that I'd be really annoyed if a guy made me wait for him... especially on a first date. Honestly! First impressions do count ya know!
But if it was someone I knew, liked or loved, then I might close an eye.. heh.. aren't I a contradiction to myself?

We came across this chocolate shop, and of course you guessed it, I decided to indulge and treat my beautiful special self! Hah.
I couldn't help but notice I was being served by a really cute chinese guy.. as in seriously cute! The kind you'd like to kiss.. hehehe. Anyway!
He was really helpful and sweet, informing me of the ingredients in each different chocolate piece and helping me to pronounce each of the French names. I caught sight of a bag of marshmallows coated with chocolate and another bag of huge (as in really huge) strawberries coated with yeah you guessed it chocolate!
After a while I decided on the strawberries.. I didn't want to get both.. and over-spend. The total bill came up to $22.50, can you imagine?
But you know WHAT? The cutie actually took a bag of the marshmallows I was eyeing and dropped it in my bag saying "It's on the house!" I thought that was awfully sweet of him, and a good sales-pitch, you know lure the potential good customer back to the shop.

Anyway, Shila was quite offended. Apparently, I should have asked for his number because "it was so obvious that the guy was interested in me". I actually argued saying that he was probab;ly rewarding me for spending so much and hoping for me to patronise the store again later. What shocked me was her retorting that only pretty people get this sort of attention and "service" and that an average person would not get such treatment. I mean I don't really think I'm that hottie but still.. it got me thinking about this whole "looks" thing.

Isn't it weird how people judge you and treat you according to the way you look? I'm not saying that pretty girls/ handsome guys get better treatment.. in fact it can play both ways don't you think? Look at it this way, I know of a few people who are biased against pretty or good looking people, yes against. They assume that since you're pretty, you're quite dumb (think dumb blonde). I think there are two ways to go, either people favour you or they come down hard on you; whether or not you're gorgeous. Even the average person tend to have people support them, you know either out of pity, or you relating to that person that you actually want that person to succeed, think The Average Joe, reality series. So everything is possible, just how much and how extreme. I think it's wrong to categorise something in one way.

How about you? I know we all have first impressions on someone, it's only human. But I feel everyone of us should have an equal shot, an equal chance at things. First Impressions should only remain as that, nothing more. Don't you think?


P.S. I really enjoyed the marshmallows!

Sunday, June 12, 2005


Okay okay.. I promise to have a more "meaningful" entry next time. I'm just too dormant to type in what I am thinking.

Eating too many ricola sweets makes you want to puke. If anything, I've discovered something new.

See ya.

Quiescent Thoughts

I'm out on the road between nowhere and hell
I caught a glimpse of my reflection in you
But they can't believe that I still want you
Hung out on the line between addiction and this
I can't believe you said I hurt you

I can't afford to let you get away
But I cannot take the darkness when you stay
You're all I see
And It's definitely my fault
You're all I see
But don't you come near me

How many roads between your world and mine
How many broken doors and how many lies
I changed my furniture to make you go away
I'm still overwhelmed at how much space you take

You're all I see
And it's definitely my fault
You're all I see
But don't you dare come near me

-The Road Between

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Just a while

Give me just a second and I'll be all right

Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart

Give me 'til tomorrow then I'll be okay

Just another day and then I'll hold you tight

A bit of sunshine in the gloom

Yay! I'm quite happy.

My tuition boy, Kishen, did well in his Prelims. He received 70 marks for his Accounts (he failed last year!) and 59 for his combined Science. I'm so proud of him... he achieved the mark I set for him. But I think part of his determination was his little crush on me... but still! I made a difference. It's very satisfying, I had to blog it.

His parents (especially his dad, for once I saw him grinning and laughing) are very proud of him and of me of course, hehe.
I'm going to guide and help him to get even better marks for his N Levels. Cheers!

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Counting Down the Days..

One more month.

My mom and my sis will be here on June 2. I can't wait, because they'll be leaving on the 15th and I'll be going with them. Finally. My dad's booked the tickets already.

But things are not as easy as it seems. My mom's in a bit of a financial situation now. She's got a house over there and furnishing it has been quite a killer (She can't pay by credit, all cash only). Plus, we still haven't managed to sell the house (in singapore) at the price we want. So, there are plans to renovate the toilets to make it more attractive.
Anyway, my mom was talking to me the other day, and she might have to postpone me and my brother's university education for the time being. Apparently, even if she has a PR, me and my brother would still have to pay international fees (because we're above 18) and that's going to be a killer.
I can't blame her or be angry, I can't help it if my parents are just the middle-class income group, not the richie rich sort. Yet why do I feel like crap now?

So unless, God decides to somehow grant us a miracle like striking the lottery or something, and helping us find a loophole for my education, chances of me working for a while are quite high now.

I don't know.. I'm disappointed but yet I feel nothing. Numb somehow. Maybe I'm going through a transition or a purgatory where once you feel too much, you can't really feel anymore.

Why is it good news must always come with bad ones?

I hope to meet all my friends before I leave. Don (my ex) is on the list too, it's going to be interesting this one.

I guess for now, I'm looking forward to seeing my sis, hanging out and then leaving S'pore. But leaving for what... I don't know.