Sunday, July 31, 2005

Just something I found

Daughter, I understand.
You are stuck with the reality of your economic situation and of our times.

The media blackout is a good thing........for war is less of a reality than limited finances.

You are focusing on your reality which is the challenge of getting by on limited resources.
You are paying a price for not being wealthy. Many others in the world are living in the same boat as you...............

Still many others are living in incredible affluence, either because of their backgrounds or because they have chosen and managed to move up in financially rewarding fields.
This wealth is in part made possible in part by the Darwinian skill which some people have to choose, move up on the roller coaster, to amass wealth through entrepreneurial skills or possession of in demand well rewarded skills.
This is of course the Republican ethos, of risk taking, of building business, of taking the entrepreneurial path. It stresses the opportunity to amass wealth -- rather than security for those on the edge.

Your hard reality is more the challenge of staying economically afloat than what is on the media.

You will meet your reality and master it.

Every generation has the burden, the challenge of finding the happiness which can come amidst hard realities.

Yeah uh... Precisely.

Here I sit,
hardly sleeping.
my mind is shirking.
If I die before I wake,I pray my pain the Lord will take.
I can't think of anything to do,
blah blah blah,
this poem will do.

Thursday, July 28, 2005


A week has gone by and I'm slowly adjusting to this new life that I'm living. I'm afraid of liking it here, afraid that I'm going to lose what I've become to love.

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.
So which is it for me?
I'm afraid to hope, because everytime I do, something goes wrong or a door is slammed in my face. Yet I can't bear the thought of having to return back to Singapore.
There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.

Each week, I plan out the options I have here. I've applied to several jobs and have been through a couple of interviews, most of them are quite impressed with my resume, but are unwillingly to go through the tedious process of sponsoring me a working visa. It's so difficult to keep trying and being rejected or having to start all over again.
I figured the best thing for me to do now, is to get a job and save for my education, but even that is proving to be difficult. I'm going to find out the exact fees for my education and payment schedules that I may be able to undertake. The way I see it, if I have a student visa, I would still be able to work 20 hours a week. At least it's something. We'll see what happens.

"Heart don’t fail me now, courage don’t desert me, don’t turn back now that we’re here
People always say, life is full of choices, no one ever mentions fear or how our world can seem so long, how the world can seem so vast
Courage see me through, heart I’m trusting you, on this journey to the past
Somewhere down this road, I know someone’s waiting, years of dreams just can’t be wrong."

Anyway, on a lighter note, the churches here are beautiful. There's some old feeling here, that I can't seem to place my finger upon. What I appreciate most is that the people here are really friendly and warm, it's so cool! Some are too friendly and "interested" though, heh. During mass, there was this guy, probably lates 20s, who kept turning around and glancing at me, as seen seriously!
Sabbie was pretty annoyed at the number of times he did that. But you know what's the most ironic? My mom, who has spent a considerable amount of time "watching" me and making sure I don't get involved with "pariahs" and "scrubs", did not notice what was happening right infront of her eyes. It was quite interesting.

And speaking of "pariahs" and "scrubs", I've decided that I probably wouldn't get involved with anyone who's not financially stable. I would want someone who's either on par with me or higher. Am I snobbish? Maybe, but don't get me wrong. I believe in the whole "unconditional love" but I feel that you sometimes have to be practical about things, there are parts that have to be kept logical, or you're going to hurt yourself or be miserable.
I control my destiny and my future. I might not have control over the paths I have to choose from, but I still have that choice, whether to go through with it or not. And that's the way I'm going to have it.

I'm glad I took the opportunity to get to know him. Whilst before I was blinded by infatuation, now I see things so clearly. I still like him, but honestly I don't think we could tolerate each other if things had gone further. We're just don't see eye to eye on some important issues and he can be such an immature bum at times! I know now, that I would have been unhappy and agitated. At least with the person that he is now.

This shell, this body that looks like you, sounds like you, walks like you, is not you, could never be you.
When did you die?You just disappeared one day. You were sweet once. You told me jokes and made me laugh. And you said I was wonderful, and you touched me so tenderly,and you were afraid to hurt me.
But then you died. And IT came, this monster, your replacement. It pretened not to see or hear me. And it hurt me like you never could. But you were dead,so i too died inside. Oh, i tried to keep going, pretended not to care about the words of the one who claimed to be you. And I laughed to forget the pain.

Anyway, my gym sessions have been pretty good, quite intense. I joined a Fat Burner class and boy do you burn after the class. It's good though, I remember a time when I was flexible and fit. I know I have neglected myself and I am going get that back. Lee hasn't been around since the last I saw him, heh, but I'm not too bothered about it. There's always others. *grins*

May I take some time to say that the writer is currently undergoing a small hormones upsurge and that is probably why she appears on "overdrive". Thank you.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

PottyPaws about Potter

I finished the 6th Book, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I shall not ramble about it in case you haven't read it yet (go read it!) but I'm quite sad about the ending and a little bit surprised in the slight change in writing style of J.K. Rowling.
Sigh. Sigh.

Welcome to the Hornsby Shire!

Can you imagine that was the sign that greeted me when I was driven into Hornsby? And we even have a white "tree of kings" outside our house.. sad that it's starting to flower though.

Anyway, I'm finally here in Sydney and the first thing that blows me away, is the weather! It's so cold! I have to sleep with an electric blanket and a heater. The worse part is going to the bathroom in the mornings and sitting on a super cold toilet seat!
And my hair and my skin is so dry now... it's cracking. My mom is fussing over the state of them and dumping loads of moisturiser on me.

But I love it here, despite it all. The suburban scenery here is so breath-taking. The air seems so much more fresher, and the flowers are amazing really. I can literally imagine my future house with my rose and wild flower garden.
It's something so new and there's so much to learn. It's like a fresh new start, a new life with new beginnings. And even maybe a new love interest!

My mom decided to sign me up for gym training, she's been lamenting about how out of shape I am. I don't blame her, I have put on a bit of flab. Anyway, we were in the sports centre and this really cute blond-haired trainer approached us and decided to help sign us up. My mom's trainer, Carly, wasn't around.
So we go into a room for my "assessment" where he begins by asking my name (my mom and Sabbie with me of course). For some insane reason, he kept changing my 'a's into 'e's... so my name was written as Serephine. It was so funny and annoying at the same time! I ended up spelling it for him like S-E-R-APPLE-P-H-I-N-APPLE.

We moved on to the next few questions where he asked about my current diet. He was pretty shocked when he told him that I usually ate burgers for "breakfast" because I wake up late and amused at my chocolate obssessions. Of course, my mom was a bit embarrassing when she gave her input about me not drinking water and drinking too much fizzy drinks. Gosh! It was so weird! Being interrogated by a cutie!

After that, he had to check my blood pressure so he asked me to remove my jacket. What he didn't know was that I was wearing a skimpy, dangerously low-cut thermal inside, so of course I cringed... I tell you! My mom ended up trying to roll up my sleeve. After that, he took my height (double-cringe!) and my weight. Jeez.
Just when I thought my nightmare was over, he asks me to come over with him to the gym equipment so that he could show me how to use them. Let me sum up by saying, half the time I was checking his erm... physique out. He has a really nice butt by the way. And he's quite shy too. Heh.
I think he was a bit amused at me... I was so silly and especially hopeless at the chin-ups machine and weight-lifts. Sigh. I have such weak arms. I remember having an accident in school in Secondary 1 during gym class, I was attempting a handstand and I could not on for 3 minutes. But it was not fair really, my other classmates only had to do 2 minutes. The gong-of-a instructor thought I was capable of more.

Anyway, I think (even Sabbie reckons so) he was flirting with me a little at the end of his little demonstration. He had a certain emphasis on asking him for help if I needed any and if I had questions for him.
I did. His name. Gosh, he seemed a little embarrassed realising that he had not introduced himself. He kinda turned a slight red, but I didn't mean to! We shook hands, and boy oh boy, talk about "electricity".
His name's Lee, whoops.

Gosh, I'm quite attracted to him. Physically. And he seems cute too. Hehehe. GOSH!! I can't believe I'm having a small little crush here, and frankly I'm really glad I am. I think I want and need a new "crush". I'm going to start my gym tomorrow morning... I hope he's there... hehehe. Talk about motivation to lose weight and exercise huh? *grins cheekily*
Life doesn't seem so bad now.

Heh! Till tomorrow then! Wish me luck.. I have to make sure I look good though... I'm a bit flabby... but nevermind! Let the flirting and eye-washing begin!


P.S. The beef pies here are gorgeous!
P.P.S I'm picking up their "yea" slang! It's annoying..

So it comes

My blog!

I have been so busy! I've got loads to update you..

Let's see... firstly, it's weird to have my Sabrina and my mom back in my life. It's like a worn-out jig-saw puzzle piece, it still fits but yet, the ends have eroded a bit. Sabbie has changed just a little bit, more slimmer and toned and she seems more confident in her self, like she's had her own time to discover herself a little bit.
And vice versa. We're both apraiaising each other, taking in the subtle changes and growth.

My mom? Well... she's pretty much the same as she was before, though she tends to be laying off me a bit. But I DO NOT miss her nagging. Hah. It's amazing how she can just talk all our ears off! She's also trying to be my new best friend; all affectionate at the airport when I first met her.

Anyway, we've had our funny moments, the three of us. One of them included a shopping fiasco in Junction 8; it got me and Sabbie laughing for two whole days at the memory!
My mom had dropped her handphone and and bent down (with her butt sticking up in the air) to retrieve it. What she did not realise was that it had slid right next to me, of course I had bent down to take it to hand it over to her. So you see the situation, there it was her "shapely" butt rammed up right in front of me and Sabbie's faces, my feeble attempt in calling her, and us bursting into laughter at the look of her face when she arose to look at us, with the handphone in my hand. I tell you... you should have seen it, puzzlement to understanding to embarrassing and amusement. This whole laughing episode earned a Sabbie a knock on her head, my mom hates being in an embarrassing situation and laughed at.
But that was funny though, we couldn't help it! *winks at Sabbie*

My brother seemed to have a renewed sense of vigour in disturbing me and making jokes, he was obviously thrilled at having them home again. We watched Madagascar together, cool movie with a few comical moments.
The whole week moved so fast, with me having so many things to do, meeting up with relatives (which were a bit awkward) and friends. I met Beckie and Shu! I wish I had more time though, and of course I had hoped to have that sleepover; but like I said it was a mad rush.

It was amazing how I managed to squeeze all my worldly possessions into one large suitcase, a hand-luggage and a small handbag.
But the one thing that bothered me a lot was leaving my gran and my brother behind. I have never seen my brother look so... sad. It was ehart-breaking, really. Knowing that I would no longer be around to take care of him; leaving him in the hands of my dad, which believe me is not reassuring at all. There are certain things I should not speak of though, but you might get the drift.

I should update you on what's in store for me in Sydney. It's official, I'm going to be working for about a year or so, until my family's financial situation comes together. Even then, I'm going to pay my way through University. Yes, I was actually a bit upset when my mom had that serious chat with me.
It's ironic how I'm going to turn 21, the turning point where people become "independent". Independent, that word has such a literal meaning for me. I guesss in the end, you can only count on yourself to get things done. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being bitter, maybe just a little irritated.
wants; why most of my friends do not have such financial worries of their own, at least not where education is concerned. I wonder if they take it for granted.

But ya know, I never dreamed that I would be at this point, really. But I'm not going to take it limp and lying down, I'm going to rage and storm against it if I have to. I will get my degree one way or another. I'm ready for whatever life is going to throw at me.