I thrive on

Wow.

The dynamics of everything has changed so much, with the addition of my dad and brother here. It's hard to keep up with what's going on.

But wait. Happy sweet 16th birthday my dear sis. What can I say? It's been a long interesting ride. But yet, I'm proud of you, even with your many annoying flaws and hiccoups, proud of the girl you're turning out to be. You've grown into a beautiful, cheeky, moody, annoyingly exasperating, smart and absolutely adorable creature. Heh. But no matter what, you'll always be my little (though just a little bit taller) sister. And I love you, unconditionally. You should know that.
You're both my mirror and my opposite, Sabbie, and no matter what, with all the "competition" or arguments we may have, I believe my relationship with you will become the strongest within us.
My birthday wish for you, is not that you should never be hurt or experience pain, though sometimes I want to save you from all the troubles and pits you may fall into. I've accepted that you have to go through your own set of troubles and difficulties, but through it all, I hope you'd come out stronger and better. I wish for you to have strength; strength to acknowledge and seek help when you're down, strength to overcome it all and most of all, strength to love yourself even after all the mistakes you've made.
I am here and will always be here for you. Don't ever forget that.

So anyway.

It's funny how everything you've learnt from a single relationship with a person goes right out of the window, when everyone comes together, jumbled up.
My brother's being much nicer to me now though. The same old disturbing and goofing around with me, but yet nicer. It's weird. It's like we're slowly coming together. But I still feel as though I'm older than him, sometimes, in the sense that I take care of him more than he can ever take care of me.

My dad's pretty much the same. My mom's more stressed and irritable now, but I guess that'll pass. Soon enough. I'm continually being forced to make decisions based on circumstances, and not by choice. I'm once again, faced with a brick wall.

I've forgotten what it feels like to be a daughter. In fact, I can't even remember if I've even felt that. I've lived a thousand lives, a mother, a housewife, a watcher, a cook.. you name it I've been it.. It's weird, but I guess I should accept it right?

Oh well.

I'm not starting anything anew, just refreshing the page where it last froze.

where are we? what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just began to fall
crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling spin me around again and rub my eyes
this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people would stop to hold their heads heavy

hide and seek
Trains and sewing machines?
all those years they were here first
oily marks appear on walls where pleasue moments hung before the takeover,
the sweeping insensitivity of this still alive
hide and seek
Trains and sewing machines?
oh, you won't catch me around here
blood and tears they were here first

mm what you say
oh that you only meant well, well of course you did
mm what you say
mm that it's all for the best, of course it is
mm what you say
that it's just what we need, you decided this
mm what you say
what did she say?

ransom notes keep falling at your mouth mid-sweet talk,
newspaper words cut out speak no feeling
no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit you don't care a bit