Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Music and Marriage

I find it sad that MTV really influences people and their choices for music. It's either some new teen pop or R&B Hip Hop tune. I have nothing against these two types of music (some of them have nice catchy tunes) but really, there's a whole lot of better, more meaningful music out there that people don't hear about.
It's mostly about image instead of the music.

Anyway, I came across this article "Truly Madly Guiltily" by Ayelet Waldman (click below if you're interested)

Wow.. it's an interesting perspective, I agree and disagree with on various counts (but mostly agree though) and I must say that I'm beginning to understand why certain marriages work and most don't.

Most women today concentrate so much on their children that they fail to include their husbands in their lives. The moment their first born-child comes into her life, most husbands feel that they have lost their spouse, their best friend so as to speak. Throughout the child's entire life, the mother who absolutely adores her child focuses all her energies on her child, giving him/her the things she never had.
In a weird way, sometimes I feel as though women tend to live their own life through the child. It's ridiculous really, especially if she wants the child to for example, take up piano lessons because she never had the opportunity to do so when she was young.
What scares me most, is the fact that there are dire consequences for this type of behaviour. Their marriage is on the rocks, everything falls apart and their beloved children grow up resenting their parents and wander around like lost souls.

Most women would argue saying, they love their children, and it is in focusing all their attention on them, that they are trying to do what's best for their children. But I think sometimes, less is more. If we do too much, children will forever be dependent on their mothers, they'll end up spoilt, feeling restricted and worse have an unstable family support.

I think what's more important is that they child grows up in a strong-knit family. The husband and the wife are the foundation to a secure, happy family. They should both be involved with their children.
No woman should ever "fall in love" with her kids. She should love them, oh god yes, but should always reserve that special love for her husband, and vice versa. I don't think people realise how important it is for children to know and see that their parents are in love with each other.

I wish I had that though.

Children will wish for a love like their parents. They will know that they deserve both to love and be loved like that and they should settle for nothing less than what they saw when they looked at both parents truly loving one another.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

To tell you the truth. I have my doubts about the article and your perception of it...You're entitled to your opinion, don't get me wrong. I didn't come here to be God. Just to give my two cents.

Even if the reverse were the case...Where less is more. I know of people who crave attention from a parent so much so it consumes them and then any form of attention or love is accepted.

In your last paragraph...kinda comes back to that article I sent you ages ago. About getting stuck in circles of bad expectations...

I think people are influenced more by what the society deems as an ideal partnership than what they see in their parents. A parents' love is a sampler for the child to taste what it might feel like but it may not be what they wish for.

Uryale said...

Hmmm... I'm not sure.

You've got only one shot at marriage (one life I suppose) and should you just play by ear?
Is there any guidelines to a good marriage?

I'm trying to figure out the "receipe" to a good marriage, but there's never really a right one is there?

And even so, I find it scary to know that your every action will influence the your child.

Anonymous said...

I just came across your blog about Personal Achievement to complete my work on the subject. Thanks for your thoughts!