Subjective Talk

Note to Reader: This is a further discussion in relation to here: http://whiskers.squarespace.com/journal/2005/4/28/changing-things.html

I know that hope is merely wishful thinking. Actions are the course in which you can change a person, but only to a certain extent. I mean you can teach all you want to person, but if he or she is going to clam up or refuse to learn that lesson, then there's nothing much we can do right? No matter how much you advise someone or bang your head against wall while you're at it, it's ultimately down to the individual. In this way, I feel that we choose, direct and own your lives mostly. Outside factors play a part yes, but it's up to you isn't it?
Where have I been to if I've been reliving experiences? I've been everywhere, no matter how different I try things, whether it's being cautious, or being open and giving a fresh slate, being tough (i assumed that this strategy might work seeing how they might not mess with me), different approaches have been attempted yet more or less the same result (not all experiences are the same I agree.. but the bottom line is).

I know what I want to change, it's just changing it that's going to be difficult and would probably take a lot of time, because I would have to stamp down on that in-built reaction I've come to have. You know how when you've burnt yourself on a hot stove, and your bodily mechanisms screams a warning everytime you go near one or when you've accidentally pricked yourself while handling a needle during sewing, so everytime you sew, you fingers sweat a little out of tension and nervousness .. yeah, something like that.
Try chasing it away like a roach? Maybe. We'll see.

Yes and I'm beginning to see how manipulative we can really be. Especially us females. That's how the whole idea of women being smarter than men came about in the first place. This cleverness has got nothing to do with brains or degrees. It's the faculty she has of being able to guess ahead of the guy, this is usually knowing what he is thinking about before he even says it or being able to control his reactions to a small extent.
The very height of this cleverness is never having to tell the guy or her husband what to do, it is so "feminine" and to a certain extent manipulative.
For example, she suggests something she wants him to do, but does it in such a way that he thinks he thought of it first. Of course, the guy's native pride fills with pleasure thinking he is so brilliant but the clever woman smiles like the Mona Lisa, knowing she has him in the hollow of her hand - so as to speak. Meanwhile, the guy takes this smile as a compliment to himself.

I know I have been manipulative on a few occassions with my friends, mostly with the guys or ex-es. But like you said, we can choose to be very manipulative or less. For me, I guess I'll only be that way if the situation calls for it. I don't really like the whole manipulative idea. And I also know I can be manipulated, heh. But I guess it's the intention as well as the consequence that shows whether it's acceptable right? Not the act itself.

Speaking of guys, I may be wrong, but I'm beginning to see that people do treat others of a different race, differently, in a BGR context.
I may be wrong, but I am judging on how I am being treated by guys of my own race and guys of a different race. I'm not being racist here, I have no problems or qualms about my own race, I'm just making observations so bear with me.
I will not be specific as to pin-point which races, but I feel guys of a different race tend to be more gentle, accepting and well.. mature than my own. Or maybe it's just certain qualities that different races have? I know that your upbringing has a role to play in it though.
Maybe, it's one of the small tiny reasons why Beckie and David have survived for so long? Both different, yet accepting?
Shu's parents are of mixed races, mixed cultures but I do remember a few occassions where her mom expressed concerns on her involvement with only a certain race. She was protective over her own race. Does this mean she's racist? I don't think so, but maybe she has a preference? I'm not sure.
With Beckie, her whole family is a mixed "rojak". Different flavours all thrown into one dish, but you would never feel uncomfortable or see them to be of different colour but instead just different people.

Sigh.

Psychology is very subjective isn't it? I mean, you can go on and on about it; people can come along and input a different view or theory and there's never really a right or wrong answer. I don't think I could ever have this as a career. I mean, I love this whole analysis thing and it's so challenging and refreshing at times, but I feel think too much, I would not want to be doing it 24/7.
I like that I'm into Accounts and soon to be Law (but a minor only) for my professional career. When you encounter a complicated scenario, there may be a few ways to solve it, but it all boils down to the same concept. Once it's solved, it's over and done with and you move on to the next, if any. I'm glad I picked this career, I was always worried about making the wrong decision, it helps to manage the different sides and interests I have, it gives me leeway to pursue and delve into other areas without reckless abandonment and not having to deal with uncertainty.
I can have a stable career, support myself and yet be happy in my other hobbies or pursuits. It makes me feel complete, like a full circle.

The past few days have been a little rough on me. The "wild, free-spirit" side was making itself heard too much. Maybe it's my biological clock inside me that's having me crave and yearn the things I want so much, for so long. And that evil side had me jealous of my loved ones, just for a while though.
What comforts me most is the fact that I can call her at midnight and just talk about what I feel. She said it's just a matter of time. Yes it is.