Cockroach Versus Me

I'm into quotes and poems. Again.

It's funny how I was very appreciative of them in my secondary school days when I was doing literature. However, once I got into Polytechnic, that thirsty side of me was kept away and I decided to get down to the basics of Accounts.
In a weird way, delving and concentrating on this new found subject actually changed my perspective and problem-solving skills a little.

Like for example, I would categorise every single subject in my life into little "boxes" where I could analyse and peruse through at any given time or when necessary. But certain things especially people do not work that way; good=good and bad=bad. These formulas are not true.

Am I making sense or have you lost my train of thought? Bear with me, I hope I can make you understand.

Anyway, I'm beginning to think that a part of life is somewhat like a teacher. Strict, harsh, knowing yet full of good intentions.
I came across three quotes today :

"Always do what you are afraid to do."
—Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced."
—James Baldwin

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing that you will make one."
—Ellen Hubbard

Later, I was faced with one of my fears, THE COCKROACH. You should have seen me, it was as though both of us were looking at each other, ready to go to battle.
Now, in the past, I would have been running away by now, screaming and getting all "icky" about the damn thing.
Recently, I've controlled myself to just walking away, not screaming but still feeling "icky".

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He blocked the door and turned to face me. Holding me by my shoulders he said "You should face your own fears and beat it." His eyes were so kind... and showed so much strength...

We were in her bedroom, just the two of us. And for the first time, she initiated the hug holding me so long, it felt like an eternity come and gone.
For Sera, Because she has tamed me.

This time I promise to be closer if you fall. It'll always be sacred. Like how my friendship with you will always be sacred. I'll be here for you.

He stroked my cheek, "I will always love you. I'm sorry I was not the one, I wish I was, I would have been the luckiest person in the world, but I know I'm not."

I was so sick, I nearly fainted. She let me rest on her shoulder. For the first time, without tickling or pushing me away.

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Today, I did something else. I grabbed the broom next to me, screaming and chasing it, whacking it as much as I could. The cockroach for the first time ran from me! It scrambled out of the house and I actually ran after it muttering "Not this time, not this time!" One of my neighbours, a realtively cute guy, actually saw me. I was not even embarrassed, instead I shrugged at him saying "Cockroaches" and walked away.
Haha! Now that I think about it.... I am actually a hyper, over-emotional and dramatic female.

But I'm proud of myself. I conquered the cockroach. And I don't even feel "icky" about it.

Maybe that's why I kept facing the same horrid things, over and over again. I need to pass the test before a new one is brought to me.
Which means this is just a step, I need get rid of the cancer (it's become real fat) eating away at me, and vanquish the monster haunting me. I'm not ready now though.

But I will be.