Uryale: The Burning One

Another week has gone by and it seems as though God is dragging my life sufferingly slow.

I have so much of time on my hands and I seem to wasting it, but on a good note. My sketches are coming on great. I cannot wait to start painting! And of course show it off.. heh.


Things I want to do (or am waiting for) right now

1. Start my University double degree
2. Continue my aikido training
3. True love, the real deal
4. Start my driving license
5. My own puppy

Everytime I look at my friends and family around me, they seem to be doing or having the things I want so much. I know I should be happy for them, but I can't help sometimes but feel that I've been cheated and to a certain extent, jealous.
Sabrina just resumed her aikido training in Sydney. I wish her all the best and I'm happy for her. But at the same time, I wish that I could have been there to join her and we could be partners again.
But ya know, I should just get a grip on myself don't ya think? I keep thinking about me me me, what I want or need or am about. So yes, I shall force myself to endure and be patient. I should not be so self-centred.

Anyway.

According to The Law of Self-fulfilling Prophecy, people respond the way you expect them to respond. You get what you expect.
The thing I just don't get is, when you have expectations of someone, you treat them according to your expectations of them. How you treat the causes them to act according to your expectations right? And when they do, of course you think you were right all along from the start.
But what if you truly expect someone to behave a certain way, and that person behave the complete opposite, what then? Does the theory still apply?
And what if externally you expect someone to behave a certain way, but internally you hope that you're wrong and they prove otherwise, does the theory apply? Do you get what you expect, even if you're hoping not to?

And how can you not expect someone to behave in a certain way, when after all, you follow your own personal experiences to guide you?
Isn't it a natural process and unavoidable?
But when habits or views are learned early in life, how do you change them, even if they're wrong. I mean you wouldn't know if your views are truly correct or wrong? How do we identify these false assumptions?
We should, shouldn't we? After all, they direct our lives quite significantly.

Maybe I need psychotherapy, to help me identify underlying issues and grow as a person. Shrink anyone?
But on a lighter note, I made someone proud of me. Someone whom I value, trust and love inexplicably. I'm so proud that she thinks I have morphed into a " beautiful butterfly".
Which made me realise a few things about myself. I sometimes need to be appreciated, loved (and know that I'm loved) and have someone be proud of me.

My mother isn't someone who lavishes praise on me, in fact, I can hardly remember a single one from her. Living with constant criticisms, have made me always crticial of myself and of others. I have lived my whole life proving my worth to others and most importantly myself. Which is ridiculous really.
But what can I say? Shit happens sometimes and it's up to us to clean up the mess. I am who I am and I shouldn't have to change or keep proving myself to you that I am worth your acknowledgment and praise.

I think love is truly healing, it takes off so much of pressure and burden off you. I'm so appreciative of the people whom I love and loves me just the way I am. You find that 'Hey! You still you anyway!" and you change naturally and become a better person.
We spend so much of our time commenting on others that we never stop and compliment someone (and of course truly mean it).

Whoever said love is blind, did not know what he/she was talking about. It opens your eyes up to a lot of things you would not normally see; flaws included. You realise that they're not perfect; but in their imperfections, they are perfect.

Recognising their annoying traits that you dislike, and yet love them just the same.

Everytime we see something good in a person, we should say it out loud and let them hear it. It makes a lot of difference! You should try it. You'll feel good about yourself too.

And it's funny how at the start of this blog I was feeling frustrated and restless and now I'm feeling all warm, loving and.. well loved.

I guess I'll be sleeping with a smile on my face tonight.
Good Night!

My name in Elvish is Uryale; meaning "burning one". I love that it describes the person that I am now.
http://www.elvish.org/elm/names/s.html